Walk in confidence

A gossip walks around revealing secrets, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

Proverbs 11:13

I don’t know about you, but I’m not always so gracious when someone points out my faults. I mean I’d like to say that I embrace constructive criticism, but in the end, I’ve probably got a really good excuse as to why I can ignore whatever “suggestion” you may have to improve my work/behavior/attitude.

I meet with a variety of folks from all walks of life and I am finding that many are struggling with a common issue. It often is something that seems so benign like not being reflective or thoughtful in our actions for peace. Or they point out we aren’t thinking about where our action fits into the bigger picture of this world and the consequences and implications for those we hope to lift out of oppression.

And what these folks all seem to share with me is we can’t get there from here. We can’t create a peaceful and just world if we aren’t living and modeling the very things we want to see manifested around us. That comes down to how I relate to you, my family, my neighbors and even that guy who cut me off in traffic this morning. It means how I deal with conflict and decision making within my organization is just as important as how I want politicians to deal with conflict and make decisions. Ah, but that’s the hard part – you mean we have to live this Way?

I love telling stories, and the people I meet every day are amazing folks doing really amazing things, but their stories are not mine to tell and that’s part of the challenge. I do not hold their confidence lightly. It has very deep place in my heart; it’s sacred. A part of me wants to sing out and praise their individual efforts, because if you knew I believe your heart would soar with hope. But a trustworthy person keeps a confidence. And trust is part of that foundation with faith and love we need to build a just and peaceful world.

walking towardIn Genesis chapter 32, when Jacob is wrestling with the angel, he says, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” That has always stuck with me. What does God call us to wrestle with until we can be blessed?

Many of the folks I talk with are those who see the disconnect between the professed mission and organizational action, challenging fellow peace and justice workers to walk the talk. It can be a hard and lonely path for that kind of leadership, especially when this leader is a younger member.  And that’s not to say these folks are passing judgment and wagging fingers; they aren’t blaming and shaming publicly. No – that would be the easy way. They really feel called to help us all live up to the visions we have shared with one another. They are sincerely trying to find a quiet confidence – a compassionate response, a loving way to ask questions that call us into our higher selves to live into the Kindom of God now. They are like Jacob and the angel – they won’t let go until we are all blessed.

How have you been blessed?

On the path,

Anna

What do you mean?

And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

1 Corinthians 2:13

When I was a child there was this ancient oak tree in the bottom of the field. Its roots were partially exposed due to years of weather and erosion. But from beneath those exposed roots a wet weather spring bubbled. Each spring buttercups and watercress bloomed and I’d sit on the largest root, cradled by the oak’s trunk, bare feet making circles in the cool water. Plucking buttercups, taking a big sniff and getting  pollen on the tip of my nose, fairy gold dust. I’d spend hours reading, listening, watching water bugs, waiting for deer or coyote to lose their fear of me and come to the stream just down from the tree and drink their fill. Life was clear and I knew who I was at the base of that tree; it was magical.

This past Friday, I was asked to meet with a group that is in the early stages of brainstorming a center for social justice. They are trying to think strategically as they review what this center has been and what they hope it can become. It’s an exciting time to be with a group of folks who care deeply about social justice and want to try to address so many needs it reveals to us. As we dove into ideas and visions of programs, services, potential partnerships, I asked a question that seems obvious, but I have found so often easily overlooked in such proceedings. “What does social justice mean to you? How do your partners think about social justice? Do you have a shared understanding of social justice with those you hope to partner with to make this center a reality?”

I’ve been accused of being a little too analytical and often too strategic in my thinking. (In some circles that’s a plus, but often in the world of peace and justice it’s kind of considered too militaristic and calculated.) But I can’t help it. It’s the way my brain is wired. But more importantly for me, if I don’t know what I’m talking about, what something means to me and what I believe, then I’m not clear how I can share with others the value and importance of this concept.  The terms social justice, justice, peace, human rights, common good, are tossed around like we know what they mean and also that we agree. Do we?

I know it’s always a balance of navel gazing versus working outward, but I believe being clear on what social justice means to me and the community I work with/for is essential. That knowing is what roots me in my work. It allows me to see more clearly when I engage with groups who interpret justice as vengeance or punishment; groups that allow the end to justify the means.

RootsWhen I know my core beliefs I can better decide if the work at hand is about punishing the oppressors or creating a world where all are treated with dignity, compassion and choices are made based on self-determination. Knowing what I believe about peace, justice and gospel living allows me to grow, evolve and be in uncomfortable places as the Holy Spirit leads me. Because when people are suffering and you work for justice, you just want the suffering to stop and often human’s wisdom makes sense.  But if I’m not rooted in my own understanding and that of the community then I float and am too easily lost or co-opted for another’s gain that perhaps listened more to human wisdom than that of the Holy Spirit. And where’s the justice in that?

What springs flow from your roots?  Does it flow underneath roots deeply buried in the rich earth or is it bubbling to the surface? Do you know what grounds you in your beliefs of justice and peace? And where is the Holy Spirit’s wisdom in the knowing? Take a moment, let the trunk cradle you and take the risk to do a little navel gazing, get a little buttercup on your nose and the watercress is sweet. Tell me what do you mean?

On the path,

Anna

If you lead I will follow

Likewise, be very faithful to the grace of the Holy Spirit, listening attentively, obeying promptly and entirely, attributing to the Holy Spirit, as indeed just, the honor resulting from success of your good actions.

Fr. Jean Pierre Medaille

I’m blessed to be participating in a community meeting that is exploring the questions of leadership and followership. I’m here as the community deeply explores its purpose, mission and ministry at this point in the world in the relationship to its history and foundation. And we can’t talk about purpose, mission and ministry unless we talk about leadership and membership.

We were given some resources and insights on leadership. Peter Block examines the differences between a leader and an administrator. A leader searches for solutions, challenges, develops a culture, empowers, focuses on people, leads by example, inspires and is mutual. An administrator identifies problems, tries to smooth the way, controls, develops strategies, focuses on problems, sets policy, instructs and is hierarchical.

It’s clear to most that both are needed and have value. It’s just that environment and circumstance determines which one needs more emphasis to take us down the path at any given point in time. So given that two strong styles are needed, the question becomes how do we become leaders? And also, how do we become followers? It was shared with us, from Mary Parker Follet, “The most essential work of a leader is to create more leaders.”

So in order to be a good leader, I need to be a good follower. That’s really difficult when both roles are packed with so much emotional, personal and cultural baggage. Especially as leadership and followership have been vehicles of abuse and manipulation that have allowed for the creation of the unjust and hurtful world we live in.

What does leadership look like to transform this world? In our actions and campaigns do we see evidence of social justice leaders? One that is searching for solutions, challenging one another, working to create a culture of peace, focusing on relationships with one another, trying to live it, owning we are going to mess it up, but will be accountable and try to make amends? Or are we more often acting as social justice administrators? More focused on the problems, making it more about strategies, policies and being right, than the people? Is it about transformation or winning? Is it about forcing people to change to our way of thinking or inviting them to find their place in a shared vision? Is it having the ability to help us find a shared vision?

OK, I think I can hear the rumblings already. Yeah, Anna, that sounds pretty on a blog, but in the “real world”… and I agree with you. I don’t know what that looks like. I see people trying to lead this way, but so often if I go deeply and examine my inner desires, I have to ask, do I really want leadership like this? Or would I be happier with an “administrator” when times are calling us to that edge? I think often I want someone pulling me back to the comfort of the status quo. Because if I follow that Way, where will it lead?

And here comes another difficult point, followers. It feels subordinate, weak, a target for abuse and manipulation. But think of the power we have as followers. We gift leadership with the power to take us collectively to places we may not have imagined alone. And in turn we are responsible for leadership as they are responsible for us.

It’s shared – a partnership. But it requires trust and a willingness of the membership/followers to share responsibility and accountability, listening deeply to the Holy Spirit as we move along the way together. And if we also hold those same practices (not perfections) as our leaders, solution focused, creating a culture, trying to live it, caring for the person when we fail to live the ideal then living at the Moon geeseprophetic edge is a little more realistic. And as a follower, maybe it’s not surrendering to the “will” of others or even the “will” of God or the Holy Spirit. Maybe it’s recognizing the “wisdom” and perhaps that is the grace of being faithful.

I can’t help but feel we are like the geese as they migrate. They all want to make it to their destination safely and they do care for the whole. Sometimes it’s time to lead and sometimes it’s time to follow but in the end, we all need everyone to get there together. I have to remember we are practicing peace and striving for justice, we haven’t perfected it. Admittedly, sometimes I get lost and wander a little off course but that’s when it’s so great to have you to pull me back to the path. I’ve got a compass and you’ve got a map and I’m glad we are on the path together.

A little dusty on the path,

Anna

A place in this world

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:7-8

I’m sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to St. Louis from DC. Across the waiting area are a mother and daughter. The little girl is 6 maybe 7 and her smile reveals a toothless grin. She’s animatedly telling her mother something, the content is too quiet to hear. But what is so striking about this little vignette is the mother’s rapt attention. While everyone around us is lost in cell phones, tablets and iPods, she’s leaning in intently listening with a concentration I’ve seen more commonly shared between two adults in deep conversations at coffee shops than parent and child. And the awareness of the rarity of the scene unfolding before me makes me pause. There is a mutual give and take, a deep respect in their dynamic that has touched my heart.

tentA while back, I mentioned we had a 5 year old living with us. He and his mom have moved on to their own place and we miss them. We are blessed to still have him stay with us a couple of nights a week. But instead of the bedroom in the back of the house, that can feel a little scary, he prefers to pitch a tent in the living room and sleep nearer to our room. Often when he comes over, we set up the tent together, but on his last parting he really struggled with us taking down the tent before he left. So we made sure the tent was up and ready, waiting for him on his next visit. And I’m glad we did.

The moment he walked in the front door, his face lit up and he cheered, “Yippee! You have a place for me!” Instead of running to the tent he ran to me and gave me a big hug. And as I write this, I’m surprised by the tears that choke in my throat. I look around us, the recent shootings and mass violence that seem to be increasing with alarming frequency by younger people. We see the inexplicable bombing in Boston, more senseless violence in our local urban neighborhoods and hateful speech rattles from the televisions and radio talk shows. I can’t help but think about the connection. Have we made a place for everyone? Do they know our love has made a place for them?

Do we attend to our children with the attention this mother showed? Do we make a place for our children? I’m not talking about spoiling them, making sure they have everything we didn’t. I mean showing them their innate value, listening deeply, showing respect, hearing their fears and then trying to be with them in that? Do I attend to others with that care and intention? Have I made a place for them? We don’t lose those basic needs and desires as we grow and mature. We just learn how to cope when they aren’t being met. Some of us cope in healthier ways; others act out the pain and disappointment in hurtful and sometimes horrible ways.

I just left the Network/Network Education Program board meeting. The staff of this organization is working with legislators and communities. They ask difficult questions and seek joint solutions on issues that impact the most vulnerable of our Dear Neighbors. Taking hard looks at immigration, the work of states wrestling to balance budgets while ensuring all have access to healthcare, and examining what it means as a person of faith to ask that tax dollars be spent in a way that cares for all, not just a few.

This is my first board meeting and I am encouraged that the goal is economic and social transformation – the slow unfolding. I am heartened because the intention is to be present with the same focus the young mother shared with her daughter. One that says, your very presence is important to us. That there is a chance to pitch a tent in the living room, if the back room is too far away and a little bit scary.

And it’s not too late, to nurture that in ourselves and others, to show love, to share love, to know God, to know there is a sacred and special place for us in this world. But how much easier it would be if we started young, made space in our lives, regardless of circumstances to be intentional with our interactions with one another, but most especially with our children. Where do you feel called to pitch a tent? Let me know and I’ll bring the s ’mores.

On the path,

Anna

The Bleeding Heart

So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

1 Corinthians 12:25-26

bleeding heartIt was just a fleeting thought that came in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, when did being a “bleeding heart” become something bad? It’s often said with disdain or apology, “bleeding heart liberal”.

Have you ever seen the flower? It’s lovely. It is my favorite flower in the midst of spring in my mother’s shade garden. It blooms pink, sometimes pale, sometimes bright, sometimes pure white. It’s a fountain of heart blooms that sway in warm breezes. The blooms are fragile yet the plant is hardy and comes back year after year, no matter how harsh or bitter the winter. For me it is a testament to the  balance of strength and vulnerability, endurance and bright witness.

There was a wonderful interview once again on Krista Tippet’s On Being. It was a conversation between two men who were once on the opposite side of an issue. If you follow the link to listen, please try to suspend your judgment on the content of their conversation for just a minute. No matter which side of this conversation you might fall on, just listen to how they learned to disagree with one another. They talk about “Achieving Disagreement”. Not something we often strive for.

A few years ago I had the privilege of organizing an event with two scholars who co-wrote a book entitled, Differing Worldviews. They worked in a process they called “cooperative argumentation”. Their goal wasn’t to “win” or prove their stance but to seek understanding from one another, to clarify where the disagreement lay and then to see where agreement and potential collaboration might be possible. Because if our goal is to make things better and not just be “right” then we have to know how to disagree with one another and yet remain in relationship with each other.

There’s no doubt about it, this is hard. It can be painful and the ego can suffer. People tell you that you are naïve, wishy-washy, or worse a hypocrite. As Rauch and Blankenhorn shared in their interview with Tippet, compromise – today – is seen as surrender. I still recall something a grad student who worked with me a few years ago said. He said he truly believes that compromise is often the most radical act.  It’s true in the society we live in, to compromise, to find another way, takes strength and courage. To say, “You might have something there…” isn’t easy when everyone around you is pushing you to draw a line in the sand.

I don’t identify as a liberal or a conservative; I’m not so easily categorized. But I think I am a bleeding heart. I’m in it for the long haul and my heart bleeds for those who are poor and marginalized. My heart bleeds for those locked in fear; my heart bleeds for those who feel they cannot compromise. And my heart bleeds for those who think there is only one Way. And I beleive that it’s not naïve or wish-washy to seek balance, the balance of strength with the vulnerability of compromise, the balance of rugged endurance through harsh and painful times, to be a beautiful public witness, to feel the pain deeply, to rejoice when we are honored. I think that’s what I want to strive for, I want to be a bleeding heart – unapologetically. For whom does your heart bleed?

On the path,

Anna

Dream the Impossible Dream

And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams

Acts 2:17

I’m an avid daydreamer. It’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. I found myself with ten quiet minutes on Monday and the mind began to wander to conversations I had earlier that day with someone from the community. We were talking about that in our city homicide is one of the top four causes of mortality in the city. It’s in the same league with heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Wow –murder is number four? We know that there are certain areas that have higher than average rates of homicide too and socioeconomics with all of its implications cannot be ignored.

I mentioned last week that my husband works a program at a local prison called Alternatives to Violence Project, co-facilitated by inside and outside facilitators. He’s been doing that for several years now and has had some really insightful conversations with the guys on the inside. They talk about the “hero” culture some neighborhoods have, holding those who’ve been imprisoned and are now out as having some badge of honor. That the rates of gun violence and homicide are so high in those neighborhoods, most young men don’t expect to live into their 30’s or 40’s. For some prison, truly saves their lives by getting them off the streets. It’s hard to really understand that world, if you’ve never lived it. And for many of us it’s extremely difficult not to start making judgments and assumptions.

But that’s when the wheels started turning, what if there was a program that acknowledged that belief system and turned it on its head? You start a program: Heroes from the Inside Out. Working with people who are currently incarcerated, they’d undergo a rigorous screening process, attend trainings while still inside like AVP, Impact of Crime on Victims, and many more. You work with those who really are trying, in spite of the many obstacles placed in front of them. You include a program that trains them how to be mentors with challenging and perhaps even hostile youth.

thumbs up kid

Once they are released, you pair this trained mentor with a youth community member, maybe someone already involved with the juvenile court system. This becomes a part-time job for the mentor – paid a stipend with regular work objectives and oversight. With the help of a coordinator the mentor and mentee chart their program together. Maybe they both attend trainings, maybe tutoring and GED classes as needed for one or the other, or parenting classes, effective communication, financial management, restorative justice and reconciliation. The program could offer joint job training and employment placement for both mentor and mentee. It partners with community agencies for medical and counseling support services or support groups.

And you make this program part of the formerly incarcerated person’s parole or probation, so that there is regular oversight, but that’s also part of the stipend. Those services are paid for instead of coming out of the former inmate’s already strapped finances. And hopefully if done right, when the mentees graduate from the program these new “heroes” would train new mentors who never had to go to jail, but saw another way.

I know, it’s a fantasy, an impossible daydream of another hippie peacenik. That’s true, the logistics, funding and red tape of a program like this makes it seem insurmountable. But that doesn’t mean a gal can’t dream. Sometimes you just got to share your dreams no matter how crazy they sound. I mean look at Dr. King. He had a dream and it seemed pretty far-fetched too.

What projects, organizations, ways to help people really make you smile? You know that deep heart smile that blooms in your chest? It doesn’t have to be possible; it just has to be imaginable! I’m curious – what do you dream about?

Daydreaming on the path,

Anna

Missing in Action

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

It takes a spring snowstorm to slow me down enough to find time to write. I’m tucked away on our little urban farm. Outside trees and fences look like they’ve been covered in white icing. A warm fire burns steady in the wood stove and the chickens are tucked into the barn, out of the snowy cold. It’s been way too long since I’ve been able to write about – well anything. Home life has been a little hectic and work hours are overflowing with opportunity. It seems like I jump from meeting to meeting not sure that I have time to do any of the things that are assigned during those meetings. farm snow

I hope you all don’t think I’m complaining. I’m not, but I have missed you. I’ve missed the chance to share with you musings and good stories. I’ve missed your occasional comments and ideas. This little break has reminded me that I’ve been awfully busy doing of late, and not so good at being.

As I write this, I’m eaves dropping on my husband’s phone conversation with a friend as they talk about doing good and being in relationship. My husband works in a prison ministry, once a week, teaching impact of crime on victims. And once a month he and 2 others go in to facilitate a 3 day workshop with the Alternatives to Violence Project. The person he is speaking to, supports a women’s transition home called Lydia’s House.  They are reminding me I don’t have to do everything to save the world, but be mindful of friendships and relationships. That in caring for our friends we care for those we cannot serve or advocate for directly. We have another friend who works with women transitioning from prison and another friend who has organized winter outreach and emergency shelters for those experiencing homelessness in our city. Every person we know is doing something great for others.

This really does set me back on my heels. How important do I think I am that I need to go to every meeting? Be on top of every justice topic? Why do I think I have to know it all? I admit I like being the go-to person, the one who knows. Not having a ready answer makes me feel like I’m not doing my job. While it’s important to understand how all of this is connected – honestly, do I really think they can’t do it without me?

I’m often thinking of my next meeting, my next presentation. Did I finish the PowerPoint? Did I make enough copies of the hand out? Oh, I forgot to print off the agenda and minutes from the previous meeting. Our culture tells us to just get it done and even better to be the expert. I’ve noticed I’m so busy doing of late, that I rarely just have time to be present to those around me, to be a friend to those who are doing work, in places that I cannot.

However, if I’m not there in relationship to my friends, supporting them, connecting with them then I dismiss the interdependence of justice work and of life. I’m back to perpetuating the destructive mythology of bootstrap independence that our culture uses to continue such injustices I claim to want to overcome. Now, I don’t see myself as the cowboy activist, single handedly saving the world. But I do recognize that when I don’t slow down, don’t take time to just be, then I cannot really do what God is calling me to. If I haven’t made time for friends, when did I make time for God? And in that busyness I may miss something wonderful that you are doing and that God is doing in us.

I’ve been out of the loop for a while and am making a personal commitment to slow down and be more present. I’m going to try not to be so conformed to this world, but to stop and listen. Sometimes God speaks in the time in between and sometimes God speaks through you. I need to be here to listen. I’d love to hear from you. I’m not going to ask what you have been doing, but I’d love to know how you have been.

Back on the path,

Anna